gratitude

today marks one year from the day that we found out dallin would be joining our little family. it's made me think an awful lot about what a good life i have.

now, there are a lot of things i wish were different. for instance, i wish i had been able to finish school. if i let it, that fact alone eats away at me. and i wish we weren't going to be living so far away from family. i wish my pregnancy had been easier. i wish i didn't have nightmares about losing my husband to war.

but here's the thing: it's okay.

there are so many good things in my life. how can i complain when there is so much to be grateful for?

i come from a family who loves me, who loves to be with each other, and who cooks such good food. they've taught me to be patient, understanding of others, to be frugal, and to laugh. they're my best friends. i know that's something not everyone has.

i have faith in God. i know He loves me. i know He has provided us with our Savior, Jesus Christ, so that we can overcome all that is wrong in our lives, and return to live with our Father. i know there are many who do not believe what i believe, and that's okay. but i do hope and pray that those who have different beliefs can find some way to know their Father in Heaven. i can't imagine making it through this life without some glimmer of hope that there is a God.

i believe that families are eternal. this has been such a blessing to know, especially living far from family. whatever happens, i know we will someday be reunited. and should my nightmare of losing jonathan be realized, i know i will have him again in the eternities.

i love my husband. i love everything about him. i love that the guys in his flight were excited to hear he used to drive a minivan, because he's "totally a minivan kind of guy." it's true - he is. i love how concerned he is about my thoughts and feelings, how family will only ever come second to his love for God. i love that he is so committed to serving others that he took an oath to protect the lives and freedoms of other, willing to lay down his life if it is asked of him. i love that he is my best friend.

i love my sweet baby boy. during my pregnancy with him, there were times when i was so sick, i could barely stay conscious. times when i would throw up the half a sip of water i just swallowed, and then would dry heave for the rest of the day. but you know, i'd do it all over again. he's so worth it. i love dallin so much. i'd do anything for him. and i'm so grateful to have found that kind of love in my life.

and i'm grateful for this country. i confess i'm a bit concerned about the direction it's heading (okay, a lot concerned), but i still am proud to be an american. i love the principles it was founded on. i love that we are free to worship freely, get an education, own a car, and eat ice cream.

i never was very good at writing conclusions for my papers, and i suppose in this case, it's because i don't see how i can rightly end a list of things i'm grateful for.

so maybe i'll leave it as something to be continued...