the past two weeks.

i don't really know where to start...this is one of those entries that could never have the right words, because the subject itself seems all wrong.

tomorrow morning will be two weeks from the morning that i got a call from jonathan, who had been in class for maybe a half hour or so. he said he had gotten a call from his brother, eric, informing that his father died the previous night in a motorcycle accident.

since that morning, i've heard those words, "my dad died," over and over again in my head. they replay countless times a day, and each time i have the same sinking feeling in my stomach.

we found out on a thursday, and arrived in philadelphia (where jonathan's family lives) the next day. his family is amazing. they are so strong. i didn't know what to expect when we arrived, but i know i didn't expect to find the incredible strength i saw in them.

his boys did what their father trained them to do: keep a gospel perspective, and go to work. mark had his own business, so there were a lot of loose ends to tie up. i tried to follow suit, but instead frequently found myself simply wanting to hold my two boys close (dallin and jonathan).

eric and daniel (jonathan's older brothers) and their wives were able to get there the previous day, and i don't think any of them took a break the entire time from helping liz with various tasks.

these past weeks have brought so many emotions. there was the immediate, heart-wrenching pain, that resurfaced every time i watched jonathan's good mother, liz, or when there was a quiet moment when i wasn't focused on cleaning or wiping noses. the pain was kept at bay during the memorial service until the bagpipes began playing amazing grace.

i felt admiration and amazement as i watched liz (jonathan's mother). i had known her to be a strong woman before, but "strong" has been redefined for me, as i watched her handling all the details, staying so busy, and even comforting others.

there was also the comfort of knowing where mark is - that he isn't so very far away. i've spent a lot of time thinking about this, and i really feel that maybe the veil that is over our eyes that prevents us from knowing what lies ahead is so much thinner than we realize.

i felt helpless watching jonathan and his brothers try to choke back emotion as they tried to support their mother, knowing that nothing i could do or say could erase the pain. yes, we know we'll see him again, but for now, we just miss him.

then there was the reminder of my grandma, who found herself suddenly widowed at 45 with two children out of the house, and five still at home. i ached to go to her and hug her once more, because i know she couldn't possibly have gotten enough hugs in the almost 40 years between her husband's death, and when she was finally laid to rest beside him.

i wanted to run home and hug my dad, and be a five year-old again so i could sit on his lap - which was the safest place in the world, as far as i was concerned.

i felt gratitude for the life that mark led, particularly in all that he taught his boys. they are all smart, handy men with their heads on straight. mark taught them to love the gospel, to love the outdoors, and to love their spouses. in fact, one thing mark was particularly known for was telling everyone he knew how much he loved and appreciated liz. that example taught his boys a lot about how to treat their wives, and i am very fortunate to have a husband who is so loving.

there were also humorous moments, as i heard countless stories about mark that had us laughing until (happy) tears came. one night, after the extended family had left, we sat down to watch a movie. i watched jonathan run in and out of the the kitchen, trying to convince us that we wanted something to eat or drink, and thought about how much mark loved to be the host. there were multiple times when i told him i didn't want anything, but mark would insist and bring over some fantastic snack or beverage on the off chance that i changed my mind. it always made me laugh.

i was amazed to watch how the members of the church took care of the family. we didn't have to cook a meal for over a week...breakfast, lunch and dinner were provided for not only us, but friends and extended family who traveled to philadelphia. toys were brought over for the grandkids, homes opened to out-of-town visitors, cars offered, and so much more. and though i can't speak personally for ian (jonathan's younger brother), the youth group at church seemed to be a tremendous support for him.

i also felt proud, knowing that i am a part of such an amazing family.

as we walked back into our home in del rio, i found myself wishing i could be back in pennsylvania to try and do some good there, if not only to be with liz and ian.

and there was the familiar, sickening knot that tightens in my stomach as i am once again reminded of the real possibility of losing my husband. it's a pain that is only relieved by remembering the covenants we made when jonathan and i were married - that we have been sealed as a family forever.

which reminded me of my gratitude for our Savior, who is very real, and who knows us individually. and because of the life He led and the sacrifice He made - we can have hope in a resurrection. we can be with our families again.

i've also spent a fair amount of time thinking about what i could change in my life. there are a few things in particular that i want to do better on:

i don't want to miss a moment in my family's life. i realize now how many things i do to keep busy, but how few of them actually matter. dishes and laundry don't matter (as long as there's nothing growing on them, and we have something clean to wear). lingering pregnancy weight... doesn't matter. dallin matters. jonathan matters.

i want to make sure people know where i stand on my love and appreciation for them, and my love for the gospel of Jesus Christ.

i have a new found determination for, well, everything. during the memorial service, there was a comment made on mark's ability to see more in people. he saw their goodness, and the potential of what they could become. it was reminder that i am capable of so much, and that i can accomplish the my goals for family, school, etc.

we appreciate so much the love and support shown to all of us during this time. we were fortunate that the air force was so willing to work with jonathan, and let him leave for a full week. we loved being able to be there with his family for so long. this does mean that jonathan will be bumped back a class in his pilot training. though we are sad to be in a different class and will miss the frequent contact we had with so many good friends, we feel so blessed that were able to take that time away.

liz and ian, if you read this, know that we love you, and are praying for you. you really are so strong, even if you don't necessarily feel it.

we love you mark, and miss you very much.


ian, the youngest of the boys, is a freshman in high school. a fund has been started in mark's name to help with ian's college expenses, if you are interested in helping. To donate to The Mark Forsyth Memorial Fund, you can contact the Wachovia Bank branch at 215-340-4705.

Wachovia Bank

4259 W. Swamp Rd.

Doylestown, PA 18902

eric (jonathan's brother) posted the eulogy (given by daniel forsyth, the oldest of the four boys), as well as his own comments given at the memorial service at http://ericandjaimeforsyth.blogspot.com/. i have also included jonathan's remarks below:

My dad made sure that his sons were well acquainted with the outdoors. I have been on so many camping, hiking, rock climbing, repelling, scuba diving and mountain biking trips that I have completely lost count. He not only planned these trips, he also made sure that we were overly prepared. For example, he would pack hiking socks for himself and a just as many pairs for his sons, just in case they didn’t take his advice and pack enough. And whenever he was having an adventure or some vacation time with his boys, I always felt spoiled and special. Dad would go that extra mile and take us out to a nice restaurant or buy me a $10 hot dog at an Athletics baseball game.

When I was 16, I had a very memorial one-on-one experience with my dad. Our scout troop traveled to Catalina Island off the coast of Long Beach, CA for a summer experience to earn merit badges and do some scuba diving.

I recall my dad pulling me aside after chow to ask if I’d be up for a night dive that night. I had very little scuba experience so I was a bit reluctant, especially since it would mean playing hooky on a camp-wide fireside. I remember the two of us, stumbling around in the dark in a crowded shack just steps from the water, getting the scuba gear ready moments before heading out into the breakers. Suddenly we heard many footsteps on the rocks of the shore. A reverent procession of some 50 scouts passed right past our shack. We quickly turned off our flashlights trying not to move a muscle. The excitement of my first night dive coupled with these few suspenseful minutes in silence made my heart race. After they passed, we headed out into the ocean quietly with our two small flashlights. With only two lights we could only see ten feet in front of us. We hadn’t been underwater for two minutes before we were confronted by a moray eel. Usually these nasty little guys stay near small holes in the rock and only get aggressive if you bug them. But we were far from any rocks on a flat, sandy floor and this eel would not let us go around him. We’d try to go left and he’d move left. Right and he’d move right. I remember thinking how I learned how dangerous these sharp-toothed eels can be if aggravated. As I stayed behind my dad I noticed my dad soon grew tired and started moving straight toward the eel using his flashlight to push him away. The eel took a few strikes at the flashlight (which I think made me pee my wetsuit) but then the eel took off. We notice that just up ahead was a half eaten barracuda. What an awesome experience that I will never forget. In retrospect I think my dad knew that his son was a bit of a perfectionist a needed this valuable lesson that some events in life are worth skipping in exchange for a valuable and memorable father-son adventure. This experience was also one lesson of hundreds taught where I was taught valuable traits for every husband and father: bravery and leadership. My dad’s example definitely influenced my decision to serve in the military.

Less than two years ago he came out to Utah to visit me and we spent two days in southern Utah. He wanted to show me the joys of fly fishing (this being my first attempt at the sport) so he hired a guide to show us the guide’s secret spots. What an awesome experience! My dad was a talented fly fisherman and I knew he could have done a good job teaching me the basics of fly fishing. But he went the extra mile and spent a handful more to give me an excellent experience. The very next day we went canyoneering. He had recently purchased some expensive climbing gear for this adventure. Even though he never said it in so many words, he made it very clear to me that money was no object to show his love to me even though finances were tight. I always felt very loved on those trips and adventures in recent years and all throughout my childhood.

It is my prayer that we all can learn to become brave, loving leaders as my father was to me.

as of late

this is super long, folks. but stick with it. or not.

i've been trying my best to keep busy and be productive with my time. it's actually been a lot easier than i thought (at least, the "busy" part - "productive" is another story...)

#1 - dallin. oh my lands, he takes up so much time. it's so fun, but so exhausting. he has mastered crawling, knows how to flip over while getting his diaper changed, can pick up anything with those pincher fingers, pinches mom with those pincher fingers, eats everything, laughs, babbles, roll over in his sleep, digs in the trash, and pulls himself up to standing all the time. in fact, he can stand up without holding on to anything. if he is sitting in my lap on the floor, he can just stand up....i have to offer some help with balance, of course, but not much! he loves bath time, and is particularly interested in the drain. whenever daddy walks in the room, dallin just starts laughing, because he knows he's about to have fun. if jonathan isn't looking at him but dallin wants attention, dallin laughs to get jonathan's attention. and whines to get mine.


he knows how to find all the wrong things in the room. if i have two small items in a room full of stuff that is otherwise baby-proof, dallin finds it. he also can feed himself chunks of sweet potato, and LOVES it. he is constantly learning new things. for example, just now he learned how to take his shirt off...this is probably because the shirt was really loose - i learned it slows him down if he is wearing clothes that are too big for him:) we are working on getting him to go to sleep on his own at an earlier time. i think we can do this.


anyway, dallin. yeah. that kid. keeps me busy.


#2 - pilot training. yep, it finally started! today is day three. i think it's going to go by quickly, but that we're going to have some long nights. granted, it's jonathan (not me) that will be kept busy by pilot training (or UPT), but with jonathan so busy, i lose my dishwasher and laundry folder.

shoot.

(i made jonathan smile for this picture before he went to his first day of school. the lighting is kind of weird here...)

and in case you were wondering why he will be so busy, here's a little taste:

these are most of the publications he is responsible for. don't worry, they are all front-and-back. and yes, he will be tested on all of it (not like the books and packets we had to buy for college classes, and then we didn't use them more than twice). once he tracks (meaning he moves on from the T-6 to either a "heavy", fighter/bomber, or helicopter route), he will have more information specific the the category of plane he is flying. then once he graduates, he will be given an assignment and we'll finally know what plane (or helicopter...or UAV) he will be flying. and then he'll be given even more training with that one.

point is, if you hear your southwest airlines pilot was a former military pilot, know that you have a well-trained pilot up front.

the other point is, pray for us.

#3 - i have other projects to fill in the time when dallin is sleeping and i don't want to face the dirty laundry on the floor because it means i have to face the clean laundry in the dryer.

for starters, i made a wreath. i like it on most days, and jonathan insists that "it's gorgeous" (he's a good husband) i bought a wreath for $3 at ross and took it apart, added some of my own pine cones and the oranges i dried last year, and glued it on a $3 grapevine wreath from wal-mart, and that was that.

and then who remembers this number? (please excuse the mess, but i think it adds nicely to the effect...)


i turned it into this number:


it's not perfect, but i feel pretty good about myself - especially since i've never done such a big project by myself before!

#4 - i have a few other little projects i'm sure you'll be hearing about, i'm sure. i've been a little more consistent with working out, and some days i can almost convince myself i like it. ish. i'm trying to make more foods from scratch, and so in the past week i've expanded my cooking horizons, making granola, whole wheat bread, and homemade ravioli. i thought they all turned out pretty well. i've also painted our tv stand (it's a terrible paint job, but i no longer look at that corner with disdain), and started finally recovering the pad on the rocker. i have a couple antique shop finds i'm going to be revamping, and i'm excited about them. it's been really fun for me living out here, because there aren't any craft stores at all. so i have to get really resourceful. even when the outcome isn't so hot, it's fun to have a challenge. i know most of my little projects aren't that exciting, but i've had fun with them. i feel like such a nerd writing about them, but, well, it's what i've been up to, so there you have it.

#5 - one of my other projects is the matter of food storage. jonathan and i have been trying to figure out how to do it for a while, and so with the help of foodstoragemadeeasy.net, we decided to just take the plunge and start with a month's supply of food. we brought in an extra shelf from the shed, and...


it felt good to have that supply. living in such a remote area, it's nice to know we have a backup plan in place. we still need to get water (especially since we have been without drinkable water at least twice since we've been here) it's in the works.

i also wanted to throw in this story:

for those of you unfamiliar with our faith, we are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. we believe we have a living prophet who talks to God the same way Moses and Abraham did. our prophets have long been counseling us to build a supply of food storage. it is something that helps in times when finances are low, or natural disasters, etc. one thing i love is how our church really emphasizes self-sufficiency. this is a perfect example.

anyway, jonathan and i have spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to do this. currently we are trying to pay off a student loan as quickly as possible, while building up some savings. this means that we don't have much extra cash laying around, waiting to be spent on much beyond the basics. but we felt strongly we should get our food storage going. so we opted to start with a month, so we can test it out and see how the whole rotation routine goes. as we were walking through wal-mart with a cart approaching overflowing, jonathan and i just had to keep reminding ourselves to picture Pres. Monson's smiling face and not focus on the cost.

when we came to the checkout stand, i stood at the front, helping to load bags into a second cart. jonathan and dallin were in the back, loading cans, etc. onto the conveyor belt. a man walked up to jonathan, talked to him for a bit, shook his hand and walked away. jonathan looked at me with something of a surprised expression.

as we proudly walked out, feeling good that we were trying to follow God's commandments, i asked jonathan what that man had to say.

he said the man just asked if jonathan was in the armed forces, what branch, and if he had deployed yet. he then told him that he himself was a former marine, and that when he joined the marines he had a young family much like ours. he said he remembered how it was a hard time, and that with children, they were financially strained. he told jonathan he would like to give him a gift. seeing that the man had a bill in his hand, jonathan respectfully declined, but the man insisted. bill in hand, he shook jonathan's hand and walked away. he gave us a $100 bill. he didn't look particularly wealthy, and he didn't make a big show of it. just a quiet gift.

it was so touching to us, both that this stranger gave us such a generous gift, and the God would bless us so quickly for doing what we can to follow His prophet. i feel a little bit guilty - surely there are others who would benefit more from that money, but for some reason it was given to us. both of us were tearing up as we walked out of wal-mart.

i told jonathan we should write Pres. Monson and glenn beck...i thought they were the people who might appreciate this story the most. the goodness of God and the american spirit.

hallelujah.

i love those moments when you get a reminder of how very aware God is of us. this was one of them.

pictures off my phone

they aren't the best quality, but here they are. they are from the past few months...

he fell asleep like this.

uncle eric and cousin ethan

cousins ethan, andrea and natalie

camping in idaho

this is one of my favorite pictures of my niece, andrea. she looks so grown up!!!

aunt melinda and the girls on the hammock at grandma's

we rented a wave runner for the lucky peak reservoir in boise

the man my friend calls "the duke" of del rio. he helped us get into the homecoming game at del rio high. such nice people!!! hope we see them again!

this is full of pictures...mostly for the grandparents...

so last friday morning, jonathan and i were talking about what we wanted to do with ourselves over the weekend. i threw out the idea that i think every wife in del rio has in the back of her mind at all times: take a trip to san antonio! i was half joking (but maybe not), but jonathan went for it. so i called the hotel at each air force base in san antonio, found us a place to stay, and when jonathan got off work, we left. (just a friendly reminder to other AF families...make sure that you get directions to more than one gate to the base. sometimes the gate you have directions to is closed...not that that happened...)

saturday morning, we decided to do the san antonio mission trail, which i remembered thinking was pretty cool when my family did it 15 years ago. turns out, i liked it second time around, too. it's a lot of history, but they were pretty cool.

Mission Espada

outside of the monastery at Espada

hanging out by the well at Mission Espada

the front gate at San Juan

more San Juan...

and some more San Juan

a B-17(?) that flew by several times really low...jonathan said he just wanted to get a picture with the plane and dalpal, but it kinda looks like he's offering dallin up...or something.

i just like this picture.

jonathan was playing monks and indians in the bastion at mission san jose. i'm pretty sure dallin was loving it.

more san jose. this mission is preserved amazingly well - it was pretty cool.

one of dallin's favorite things to do is to walk. (with a little assistance from daddy.)

outside of san jose.

dalpal

and of course, the alamo.

i overheard a lady inside the alamo saying, "there's other buildings just like this at ???(i don't remember where)??? same era." she was not impressed. i kinda wanted to hit her. i didn't realize how much the story of the texas revolution impacted me until i heard someone brush off the alamo like it was just an old building. that is not the case, friends.

we went to market square, and ate at a fabulous tex-mex restaurant. (another helpful hint: be sure that between you and your spouse you have at least $5 cash on you. otherwise you might have to only be able to give $3 for the guys that serenade you while you eat. it could be awkward.)

to end the trip, jonathan suggested we go to target. just because he knew i would enjoy walking around a store that wasn't ross, wal-mart, or a dollar store. and he didn't stop there, either. get this: he suggested we go to a craft store. and we did. do i have a great husband, or what?

so that was that. a great start to jonathan's week off before UPT starts.

spigot

we recently got dalpal a bunch of little balls and threw them in a box for his own little ball pit. he really seems to enjoy it (except when he slides down onto his back and gets stuck). last night we put him into the box and turned on some veggie tales while we tried to get dishes done. jonathan and i sat down on the couch and soon found ourselves sucked into the world of dr. jiggle and mr. sly. and then we noticed we couldn't see dallin's little head bobbing around in the box. so we got up and found this:


he was asleep.

in other news, he loves chewing on spatulas. only our good quality ones though - he would bite the other ones in half. so i get to use our cheap ones, and dallin gets the good stuff. welcome to parenthood.


check out the rolls...


while giving dallin a bath today, i turned on the faucet and let him experiment. he was sooo intrigued by it. everytime i'd pull it away, he would pull the faucet right back over. (genius, right?)


dalpal also has learned that he loves drinking (water). he dances around and starts hollering when he sees his sippy cup. and then he drinks until 1 - mom or dad takes it away, 2 - he pukes and mom or dad takes it away (he drinks to fast and he can't seem to handle it), or 3 - he throws it to the floor and mourns its loss.

so during his bath, it didn't take him long to try drinking the water from the spigot.


don't worry. i didn't let him put his mouth on the spigot.

LG

so after my last awful entry, i thought i'd throw in some happy thoughts...

maybe not the best picture, but i like dalpal's happy eyes.

despite the bugs and critters (which really don't bother me most of the time), i remain convinced that, in the words of little texas, "God blessed texas with His own hands; brought down angels from the promised land..."

go ahead. call me crazy.

oh, how he loves the piano

1 - i really am happy here. when we first got here, it was mostly a "well, i'm not unhappy here, so i guess i'm happy here" kind of feeling. but now, i really am happy here. this may change once jonathan starts UPT the end of october, but for now, i really do like my life. i like the people here, i like my house, i like my new daily routine, and i like knowing that i can get really good chocolate ice cream any time i need it.

liz - note the pop-together wrists

i mentioned recently that i'm enjoying the simplicity. those of you who have read this blog for a long while (bless your hearts) might remember my late-night confession of always wanting to get away and live on a farm. i love the idea of getting away, and while this may not be the most scenic place to escape to, i still love it. i mean, as nice as it was to have 30 different grocery stores in a 10-mile radius to pick from in utah, i kind of like only having just two options: either the commissary or HEB (or the local meat markets, but i haven't ventured out to those yet). i don't have to decide between the two necessary evils of wal-mart or target, because we only have wal-mart. few stores = fewer decisions. addtionally, there is less traffic here. lovely. and i love that when the planes are grounded, it's so quiet here - you don't have any traffic sounds. i don't go out much, because there aren't many places to go. it's great - now i find i have more quiet time to spend at home with my family.

or doing dishes.

feeding time generally goes pretty well, because the second he gets in the high chair, he opens his mouth. and pounds the tray.

simplicity. i love it.

sometimes this happens.

2 - dalpal is amazing. he seems to be learning new things every day, and it is so much fun to watch. earlier this week he learned how to push up on his knees (and sometimes his toes!). he can scoot around a bit, but mostly just rotates in circles. he recently learned how to squawk. it's a little painful if he's too close to your ears, but it's hilarious. he looooves his daddy, which is good because his daddy sure loves him. i can't seem to get him to laugh like jonathan does - all jonathan has to do is wave an arm (literally) and dallin laughs. it's my new favorite thing to listen to them play. dallin has started playing games with us. his favorite seems to be a game in which he pulls his binky out, we act surprised, he laughs, and he puts it back in. (repeat.) a good time is had by all in this one, i tell you what. parker bros. ain't got nothing on us. and of course, he's still eating like a champ (no surprise there) and has moved into the 12-18 month sized clothes. happy 6-month birthday, buddy!

if you look closely, you can see his teeth

3 - i have been on a "project: fix andrea's life" kick as of late. this includes everything from waking up early every day (instead of sleeping in until, you know, whenever) to planning meals a month at a time (it really helps with groceries!) to going walking/running every day. it's been really fun. i am slowly getting the house in order, and am almost finished recovering our couch (something that has been fun, yet terrifying).

this is what happens when jonathan and dallin do the laundry.

i've always loved moving because it seems to provide a chance to start everything over again, from friends to favorite restaurants, to my daily routine. i feel good about my life. i feel like i could be somebody.

with all this said, i know i still appear to be frazzled and crazed when most people see me. i can try to simplify things all i want, but i am still covered in baby poop and puke most days. i still wish we had a fabric store within 100 miles (besides wal-mart in uvalde). and laundry still gets the best of me. if it would only put itself away.

but it doesn't, and i'm okay with that.

life's good.

it's time for me to be honest with you.

all in all, i honestly really do like it here. my day-to-day life hasn't changed all that much, except that now i live in a nicer house, and i have to do a little more planning when i want to go shopping. and that's just fine. in fact, it's brought simplicity to my life. and i love that.

however, there is one thing i don't like:

critters.

lots and lots of critters.

first, there were the geckos. no problem. i can handle that. sure, they pop out from corners every so often, but so does jonathan, and i like him pretty well.

then i learned we have a big skunk problem here on base. "okay", i thought, "just be extra cautious when outside after sunset, and watch out when you walk into the carport, because they hang out there."

then one night while jonathan was gone, i got home kind of late. i brought dalpal inside, and came back out for my bag. to the carport. what i didn't see, was a skunk. what i did see was this:


(that's a penny next to it. just stop and think about it.)

okay, that was gross. but at least i didn't get sprayed by a skunk. and at least it was just one beetle (or whatever that was).

so some time goes by, and i make friends with the frog that lives in our backyard and likes to pop out of no where (it's about the size of my fist). and of course, the occasional spider is expected no matter where you live.

then i went to a "coffee" for spouses. i talked to other wives who have lived here for a while, and learned about the tarantulas, the rattlesnakes, and who can forget the lizards that shoot blood out of their eyes?

i had heard roaches were a problem, but i hadn't seen any. until one night. i was watching a movie with jonathan. i felt something kinda tickle on my leg, and what should i find?

a cockroach.

on my leg. did you catch that?

since then, it's been all-out warfare on the roaches. i haven't found anymore on my person, thankfully, but for a few days straight we had one laying on its back on the floor in the kitchen every morning. they aren't the hugest things you've ever seen - they are only a couple inches long at the most (that i've seen). i know most everyone has a "huge roach" story that can trump this. i just want to say that they are here.

then my walking buddy told me about the time her car was surrounded by fully-grown deer, how her neighbor came outside to find one snake eating another snake, that she thinks there's a water moccasin living in her flower bed, and that another neighbor has reported a mountain lion near the west gate (did i mention i live by the west gate?). she said it's like living in africa.

she would know. she grew up there.

you have to understand, i am fine with critters. i just don't like being surprised by their presence, i don't particularly like them crawling on me, and i prefer that they not attack me. and so when i find a newly-dug hole under our bush near the front door, i get a little nervous.

i just know it's a skunk.

and when i weed the flower beds, i jump every time a leaf falls from the tree, because i know it's a mountain lion (or at least a blood-shooting lizard).

but people seem to survive here, so that's encouraging.

and that's all i want to say about that. for now.